I realized how inconsistent my ideas were. Of course, I also like to contemplate on things but I immediately contradict my ideas that I never get anywhere meaningful or concrete. Meaning, sabog ang argument ko.
I’ve always have this problem with words. I often found myself saying things that crossed my mind, regardless of whether I believe them or not. It’s like the words were already out before I can think about it properly. Maybe it’s because I’m used to say whatever I like whenever I wanted to, consequences be damned, and I never really bothered to care (which often makes me look stupid, but I’m used to it. It is hard to keep up being smart all the time, it drains the brain). But it’s because of this that made me so aware of how misleading words can be.
For example, I might say that you look ugly when I meant it is your hair that is ugly (but I think for women there’s no difference between the two…gahhh women logic, even I don’t get it). I got slap in elementary because of that one (grrr that girl, she shouldn’t have asked if she only expected to have one answer!).
I’m not rude, I’m just painfully blunt. But there’s also numerous moments (too many to mention) when it sucks. I kept repeating conversations in my head, flipping and cringing. If you’re one my friends, you’re already used to it, I hope.
I just can’t organize my thoughts. As in w-a-s-a-k, but there are times when I say something so amazingly random, it almost sounded intelligent. I really like those moments.