I’m in a dilemma. A stupid and shallow one actually.
I’ve started drawing fanart for the Philippine heroes about a year ago. It was triggered by my obsession with Hamilton, Hetalia and the newly released Heneral Luna movie. It was fun and I love doing it.
However, it is starting to hurt. I always portrayed them in happy situations, in the slice of life, a parody of themselves just to get the brighter side of their lives caught in my stupid chibis. Hey, I tried.
It was meant as a stress reliever. And there are so many ideas I wanted to do. Like the young heroes running away from a canon with crates of explosives on their arms, mischief abound. Or Manuel Tinio pushing a guardia civil off a canal for laughs. Or how the Bonifacio couple would spoil Emilio Jacinto and treating him like a son. Or how everyone always gathers to eat Gregoria de Jesus’ sinigang. And even how the Bonifacio toddlers walked after their big brother carrying medical kits and empty bullet shells for recycling. Or Macario Sakay and his fabulous hair, while teaching Jacinto to do the same.
It was fun. And I love it. I still do.
But afterwards, after I colored it and post it, I can’t help but feel despair. There’s just so much emotions of helplessness, really.
I’ve caught myself tearing up everytime I think of how a lost wife was looking for her husband’s body for three days. Only to be presented, years later, with skull and bones. With all the media, camera flashing, microphone on set, asking her if it was really ‘him’.
Or how a young man, forced to flee the country after his whole family was declared as traitors, and his older brothers killed by the revolution they all sacrificed and believed in. And now, he’s alone in a foreign country, vowing not to come back, knowing if ever he did, he can’t promise not take the lives of his brother’s killers.
Or how a bestfriend grieved after receiving the news of his brother-at-arm and mentor’s death…at the hands of a man that shares his very own name.
We don’t deserve them.