“the world doesn’t care what eyes you want to see it”

 

I went back to school. a post-college degree. I haven’t talked about it because it felt like all the people that needed to know, already knew about it.

Like Turow, it amazed me how easy it was for me to assume that I was “somewhat less intelligent than anyone around me.” Never had I felt being stupid to this degree that I am questioning my scholastic performance since high school.

There is hardly any time to sleep, even to draw is a sinful escape from studying. Escapism aside, there seems to be not enough time to read and study all the cases, annotations, legal arguments, and stuff that seems to pop out of nowhere. I’m also relearning English but in a seemingly different language that has its own syntax and vocabulary and punctuated with serious-sounding Latin and maxims. Failure is starting to seem brutally normal but unacceptable; being broke is a constant state that I can’t seem to get out of. And yet, I still think I’ll do all right :’]

I had never been low-key about my fascination with history.

And weirdly, it all started because of mythology.

In high school, I liked nothing more than to read about the overlapping Greeks & Romans, and Norse Mythology. I was quite amazed that so few people knew about them. Still, I’ve dedicated so much, unhealthy, effort just to get the Norse story straight (the references sucks…big time. Even internet failed me from time to time)! It got to the point that every time I find someone who knew about cranky crazy plot that is Norse Myth, I automatically latched on the said person and never let go.

It only follows that I’ll end up knowing about the the Roman Empire’s history along the way. Trust me, if you find yourself even slightly remotely obsessed with Rome, you’ll end up knowing practically all of the other country’s history (or bits and pieces of it along the line). So I ended up being quite exposed with western history. My love for anime fueled it more (Hetalia). Add Hamilton. And well, you have what you call a very confused person with lot’s of insignificant useless information and trivia that is not necessary for her day-to-day survival, lol.

On a side note, I also liked talking about Mongols. They’re fucking badass, if only they didn’t left a trail of blood [and babies] on their wake (which happens to be the bulk of what was known to them, in my opinion). I could also blame the manhua ‘Threads of Time’ for this. Sali Tayi made me confused. I don’t know if I like the guy or loathe his guts. Guess it’s love, then. I even made a fanart of him back on 2012, (link to deviantart…the description makes me feel dead. Dammit.).

(*sign. I feel like no one knows about this series…just like Shut Hell. Hayts.)

Anyway, back to history. Despite this, there was that moment in college when I felt inexcusably stupid in history – and guilt. And that’s because, I don’t know shit about Bicol history. Really, really shameful. But that’s actually redeemable so I reeducated myself and you know, I tried researching on Bicol MYTHOLOGY. Ahahahahahah. I had so much fun drawing stuff for that subject. Meeting people in ALA and DARTS (Kuya Pen!) made a lot of impact on me. Digging deeper, I started illustrating Hetalia-versions of the provinces of Bicol. (My thought process never changed, eh?)

However, I can’t do that without research, and just like what happened before, I ended up finding out a lot about the history of Bicol, and consequently Philippines. And that’s when I realized I know next to shit about Philippine history. It’s so weird. Our history textbook were practically a watered-down version of our complex and interesting story as a nation!

Hay naku.

But if you looked at it, I have a taciturn way of learning, isn’t it? Just like how I learned Boinen, my native tongue, I immersed myself first on other languages before I realized how important my language is. And with this one, I took everything foreign first, before looking closely at our own motherland. And I think there’s nothing wrong with that. Afterall, it could be easily remedied.

Our history is amazingly fun to read about, and just like always, I started making fanarts of them. Guess old habits die hard, lol.

Anyway, Bonifacio is awesome, just saying.

T

bubblegum rubberbands

“I’m miss sugar pink liquor, liquor lips. Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss”

practice practice, so far I failed utilizing the infinite color options of the digitals…

BLTX Event at Anthosia last July 30, 2016 felt like a reunion! So many people I’ve missed and been stupid with.

(Note: Don’t trust me to take decent groufies or selfies or whatever.)

 

Ash finally sold a CD for her songs, been waiting for it for years (six years in fact)!

I can’t help feeling I’ve let another opportunity down again. I should have worked more for the BLTX event, but all I could come up with were regurgitated art pieces and messy cutouts. I need to do something creative everyday or I’m going to regret this phase of my life…hayts.

Thank you for all the support po, I need to work through this! Kaya ko ‘to!

“Do you know why the unknown is more attracted to mortals than angels? Its because of our imperfection. Our imperfection to destroy. Someway, in a fuck up way, we are the only being who share the unknown’s very nature to destroy which we could mimic more successfully than our myriad attempts at creations.”

-random unearth note between a forgotten mold-smelling book

 

I’ve once seen a hierarchy on beings on a very-Christian looking drawing. It depicted God as center stage and below him were the angels, then demons, and at the bottom were the mortal man (archaically speaking).

It kinda weirded me out to know we are below demons, the personification of evil and whatnot. But it didn’t surprised me after thinking it over, afterall demons (the Bible version anyway) believes in God’s existence more than humans do.

 

Filling out spaces with colors.

Another old one. Probably a year or two ago when we kinda work on some children story.

Churches at night are scary. It always feel like stepping inside a tomb with the saints looking more dead than they should be. If you are forced to go to a church in the middle of the night, do not, I repeat, do not play staring games with statues! And avoid the chairs at the tabernacle. The sacristan cover the chairs with blanket and it just need a little bit of imagination to imagine something moving beneath the sheets or a hand suddenly appearing at the arm rest.

Gugh, I didn’t slept well.

I love him.

Maybe February is gaining on me now that things are settling down.